Hello, most amazing friend,
What is it for you, that turns your otherwise rational self into an angst filled, negative thought producing and possibly weepy basket case?
For me it is exhaustion, mental and physical exhaustion, and this week exhaustion took my thoughts and emotions on one wild ride.
Allow me to unfold the event for you.
When I am exhausted I wake up weepy and weary and within minutes I’m trying to think of everything I am grateful for to see if I can turn things around, but I find that every thought of gratitude is quickly followed by a negative thought, or a complaint, or even a F-off to some inanimate object that didn’t co-operate.
Next I go rummaging through my tool bag and try a bit of this and a bit of that and I can’t even stay focused because my exhaustion has almost every rational cell in my mind completely fogged over.
I finally realize and admit that I am exhausted, and the only thing to do? – Allow it, feel it, and just keep wiping away the tears as all of these negative, soul sucking, joy killing thoughts race through my mind and wreak havoc on my emotions.
Once I have allowed, what feels like insanity to me, to be present so I can really observe it, I start to take back my power. I may be exhausted but I’ve identified the culprit so I am able to slowly reel in the angst.
My mind is still full of negative and disparaging thoughts that are all directed right at me so I start a two-way conversation with these thoughts.
This week it went something like this:
What is wrong with me? – Nothing, you are simply exhausted
What am I doing wrong, why don’t I have everything figured out by now? – There is no way you can every figure everything out, that’s not even your job! Do the things you can do and then just believe, have faith.
Where did my faith go? Now I even suck at having faith! – You have great faith you’re just exhausted!!!
I don’t know how to live my life, it’s just too much sometimes and I just want to quit everything and just be – No you don’t you just need to lighten your schedule and get more sleep.
How far have I really come, everything feels like a never-ending process – You have come SO far and your life is nothing like it used to be, you are just exhausted
OMG, what kind of a coach am I anyway that I’m still grappling with this after almost two hours? – You are the human kind of coach that lives in the real world and feels everything that every one else does. How else could you even understand or help anyone?
I just want to run away! – Wherever you go, YOU will still be there….
This went on and on and by the time I had almost reached my destination that morning things had turned around for me. I felt a little beaten up and continued to work on my thoughts and reel in my angst but now it came in spurts instead of being consistent.
Then I was able to remind myself that except for me allowing myself to become exhausted, everything is exactly as it is supposed to be and I closed my eyes and said, “Do you remember who walks beside you?”
I gave myself time to sit in stillness in the afternoon for a half hour and by late afternoon I started to reclaim my peace and my joy.
Times like these used to take me down for days or even weeks and I would return to happiness but not to peace or joy, because they weren’t there to begin with. I have come a long way. Yay!
If any of you have never experienced moments like these – Keep doing what you’re doing!
For those of you that have these experiences from time to time, for whatever reason, I do hope that by sharing my experience I have served you.